About 'Alpha+Good'

Alpha+Good (a bad wordplay on Orwell's "double plus good" and old machismo - I'm the realest after all) is a side project that belongs to 'Onklare taal' ('Unclear' or 'Unripe language'), the umbrella of several literary projects in Dutch.

This section is almost exclusively in English and comprises my ongoing thoughts on progress, gender, politics and various other social themes. Why is this in English why everything else in Dutch? Because I want to gun for a much wider audience here. Also, my literary English isn't good enough, otherwise I would always write in English. In 2020, I released my debut novel 'Fragmentariërs' (it's written in Dutch, though who knows I may one day make an English translation).

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Friday, September 22, 2017

'Game of Thrones': the killer hit list (II)

#20. Sandor Clegane

Kills? 29
Who? The Hound, the myth, the legend
Does he still matter? Fuck yeah

After he says "fuck the king" and before he travels with the Brotherhood Without Banners, the Hound racks up an impressive kill count of 29 all on his own. He has literally carved out a place of (questionable) honour for himself in the list of killers by being able to outdo six groups as a single man.

#19. The Dothraki

Kills? 54
Who? Nomadic warrios from Essos
Do they still matter? Yes

Before joining Dany in her quest to “tear down the stone houses and kill the men in their iron suits”, the Dothraki were already a force to be reckoned with. Then again, killing Lhazareen or fighting each other to the death isn't really that impressive. 54 is a bit of a paltry number, but that’s only because the Dothraki’s kills counted for House Targaryen’s after they joined Dany’s forces.

#18. The Brotherhood Without Banners

Kills? 96
Who? Worshipers of the Red God who claim to fight for the commoners
Do they still matter? Maybe

Though Beric Dondarrion may or may not be dead, the Brotherhood was a thorn in the side of the Lannister forces occupying the Riverlands, and some of their men broke bad when they slaughtered a group of innocent people founding a new village. Lem Lemoncloak will not be missed, but he did rack up the Brotherhood's kill count, even if most of the casualties were defenceless people. At least his cloak now keeps the Hound warm.

#17. The Children of the Forest and the Three-Eyed Raven

Kills? 131
Who? Ancient inhabitants of Westeros and a guy who melds with a tree
Do they still matter? No, unless you count Bran

Here we come to the question whether destroying the undead is actually a kill. In the context of the show, I would say it is – destroying wights and White Walkers disables them as a threat to the living. Leaf and her compatriots have atoned for creating this threat in the first place by protecting the Three-Eyed Raven long enough to let his successor Bran escape, blowing over a hundred zombies (and themselves) to smithereens.

#16. Mountain Clans of the Vale

Kills? 402
Who? Semi-barbaric inhabitants of the Mountains of the Vale in Westeros
Do they still matter? No

After his release from the Eyrie, Tyrion and Bronn pick up the Mountain Clan warriors along the way and have them fight with the Lannister forces. Their kills happen mostly off-screen, but we can infer they were a vital part of the Lannister army. Presumably they’ve returned to the Vale and still regale each other with stories about fighting for the ‘Half-Man’ and cutting off a terrified Pycelle’s beard.

#15. Disease, old age and natural disaster

Kills? 1009
Who? Ye olde death that comes for everyone in the end
Do they still matter? Always

Perhaps it is surprising that even in the ultra-violent world created by George R.R. Martin and the ‘Game of Thrones’ show, natural deaths, disasters and diseases still claim the 15th spot on the list, defeating regular armies, clans and trained killers. Yet, it’s true. To be fair, the largest part of them include the wights who were stupid enough to drown to their final fate when they tried to cross the ice to get at Jon Snow and his Magnificent Seven, though they also include important characters like Hoster Tully and maester Aemon Targaryen.

#14. The Night's Watch

Kills? 1095
Who? The guardians of the Wall up North in Westeros
Do they still matter? Hard to say after the Night King broke the Wall

Clocking in a solid number of almost 1,100, the Night’s Watch kills include a menagerie of Free Folk, giants and their occasional fellow crows. It is hard to say if their watch is truly ended now that the Night King has broken the Wall, letting Eastwatch collapse into icy rubble, rock and semi-frozen water. At any rate, a decent showing for the Brothers in Black.

#13. The Sons of the Harpy and the Ghiscari Alliance

Kills? 1199
Who? Slave masters and former slave masters from the Essosi cities of Meereen, Yunkai and Astapor
Do they still matter? Depends on how well Daario rules Meereen in Dany's absence

It’s not easy to pinpoint a truly exact number when it comes down to this loose coalition of slaver city-states and former masters. What’s certain is that their threat proved to be more resilient and enduring than Dany and her followers had expected, frustrating viewers and characters alike. It remains to be seen whether her show of power with the dragons and leaving Daario in place as her steward put a definitive end to the slave masters’ misgivings (and killings).

#12. Free Folk / Wildlings

Kills? 1201
Who? Human tribes who live beyond the Wall
Do they still matter? Not really, those that haven't been saved now serve the Night King

The Free Folk would have killed more people if the Night’s Watch wouldn’t have been so direly understaffed and if Stannis Baratheon hadn’t shown up to relieve the siege of Castle Black, cutting through the Free Folk like butter, with his horses, armor and longswords. Still, killing 1,200 people is nothing to sneeze at. One wonders if the Free Folk at the Wall and those presumably settled in the North still count as Free Folk, or as bound to House Stark – and if they will matter at all. Most of their fighting men are already dead or are zombies.

#11. House Tyrell

Kills? 1251
Who? The Great House of the Reach in Westeros
Do they still matter? No, their House is now extinct (in the show)

House Tyrell was never one for wanton destruction or great warfare. They waited almost two full seasons to actually join the War of the Five Kings when they joined the Lannister host to decide the Battle of Blackwater. After that, they were often seen doing anything but fighting, and when their best soldier, Randyll Tarly, turned cloak for the Lannisters, their chances to inch up higher in this list were almost as dead as their entire House.

On to the final part!